What’s Wrong With You?

Let’s be real. You’ve done a lot of healing. You’ve been to therapy or found some other way to heal childhood wounds. You use mindfulness practices. You’ve cut out your most harmful habits. You do self-care. You meditate for god’s sake.

Yet life still feels just a little too hard (sometimes a lot).

You still let others down more than you care to admit. 

And you still let yourself down more than you care to admit. 

You know there’s more to you than this.

You know there’s more to life than this. 

When will you ever learn? 

What’s wrong with you? 

Take a breath. 

If this sounds like you, here are some words for you:

It’s OK.

You’re doing the best you can.

You are enough.

You can feel however you feel.

You can only feel how you feel.

Everything will be OK.

Take a moment to check in with your body now. 

Did you notice a small shift just now reading these words? Did you happen to take a deeper breath? 

If so, we just activated the vagus nerve. 

You’ve heard of the vagus nerve. It’s the biggest nerve, or bundle of nerves, that runs from the gut all the way to the brain stem. It is directly connected to the vagal branch of the parasympathetic nervous system that activates a state of calm, openness, and acceptance. 

The vagus nerve activates the physiological state that lowers our heart rate, softens tension in our muscles, and allows us to breathe more easily. 

It allows us to open up and engage with others from the heart, and it gives us access to the confidence we need to be vulnerable. 

We all have access to this state, at any time. Even times of high stress, self-doubt, frustration. 

In those moments where everything suddenly feels wrong, lacking, or simply too much, using words of reassurance and encouragement is one way to stimulate the vagus nerve and access this state of calm and confidence. 

There’s nothing wrong with you.

You are human. 

Our task is to have the courage to look our humanness in the eye and to allow it.

That’s no small task. 

Why? 

Because in moments of stress or anxiety the survival brain kicks in. And the survival brain has no interest in lovey dovey stuff. It goes straight to tried and true strategies of

• blaming ourselves or others for the discomfort we’re feeling (Critic), causing us to step up our efforts to 

• be better, do more, and get it right this time (Perfectionist), or 

• making sure everyone else around us is happy and comfortable (Good Kid). If all else fails, the survival brain moves to the second tier of survival:

• giving up: “I can’t believe this is happening again. Why do I even try?” (Bad Kid).

When we battle the Critic, Perfectionist, Good Kid or Bad Kid, we fail. Our job is to allow them, and to reassure and encourage them often (and by often I don’t mean daily; I mean 20 times a day). 

Hang in there.

Keep going.

You can do it.

Clarity will come.

What about you? Do you whisper sweet nothings to yourself in moments of stress and self-doubt? What’s your way to restore balance in those moments of wavering, when you’re overwhelmed or stuck on a task?

Drop me a line to let me know. It truly makes my day to hear back from you. So please, keep it coming. Also, if you know anyone who could benefit from receiving these messages, please forward this email on to them. I want to inspire more people to live a more joyful, creative life. 

With love and support,

Mary B. 

P.S. If you want to work with me and live a more joyful, creative life, shoot me an email. I would love to hear from you.