It’s Not You, It’s Your Nervous System

A lot is being said and written about authenticity these days. 

We all agree that being authentic is good. It’s what we want. 

But how do we do it? 

For most of us it takes years of hitting our head against the wall to finally start getting an inkling of what it means to “be ourselves.” If you have a highly sensitive nervous system and/or a neurodivergent brain, this is a given. 

Funnily enough, showing up as who we are - aka being “authentic” - doesn’t exactly come naturally. 

We are built for survival. That’s our default. 

When our nervous system runs the show, we go back and forth between anxiety/pressure:

What if I’m not good enough? - I need to be better.

What if I get it wrong? - I need to get it right. 

What if people stop liking/loving me? - I need to be nicer.

And discouragement:

I’ll never be good enough.

No one likes/loves me.

What’s the point?

This isn’t who you are at your core. It’s your nervous system.

When our nervous system runs the show, we react before we’ve had time to step back and reflect on an authentic response.

Ironically, living authentically requires a few extra steps. 

It requires slowing down, noticing, naming, allowing, letting go of all the stories around it, showering ourselves with love and compassion, and letting go - all those great mindfulness steps I’ve talked about before. They truly work miracles. And they take years of practice. 

Or…

You can play. 

Because play can’t be faked. The only way to play is to do what you think is fun. If you’re not having fun, you’re not playing. 

When you’re having fun, you’re exercising the muscle of being yourself. 

When you’re playing, you’re strengthening the neural pathway of joy. 

So, the next time you walk by a playground, don’t just smile and remember how much fun they used to be. Hop on over to that swing and go as high as you can. (Thanks for this image, Zoë.)

And when a good song comes on in the car, don’t just tap your fingers on the steering wheel. Sing along at the top of your lungs. And don’t close your windows. (Thanks for this one, Kim.)

Don’t worry what other people will think. 

In fact, if they catch you, they’ll instantly be reminded of the fun they used to have. They may even catch a spark and think of something fun to do themselves.

Play, fun, and joy are infectious. I hope you infect someone today.  

Drop me a line to let me know how you play and have fun. I would love to know and it truly makes my day to hear back from you. So please, keep it coming. Also, if you know anyone who could benefit from receiving these messages, please forward this email on to them. I want to inspire more people to live a more joyful, creative life. 

With love and support,

Mary B. 

P.S. New! If you want to work with me I now have a few limited spots available for one-on-one support in your creative journey. If you’re stuck, I would love to help you find the obstacle(s) and get you playing again. 

P.P.S. More exciting news. I’m moving back to in-person work. I’m finding an office as we speak to create a real-life space for a journal doodle circle to get those creative juices flowing and share about it with others. More on that soon!