Who Do You Think You Are?

Hi there,

I’ve been putting myself out there more. I’m grateful for the joy I get to experience every day and I want to share how I’ve learned to access it more freely. From time to time, as I’m marketing my group or drafting a newsletter, a familiar voice will say, “Who do you think you are? Why would anyone care what you have to say?”  

Do you have a voice like this? A voice that likes to comment on everything you’re doing and tries to keep you in line by telling you what you “should” be doing? I’m sure you do. For some of us this voice is loud and harsh, and the input it gives about what is “right” and what is “wrong” is pretty compelling. 

Have you ever wondered why we have this voice, how come it’s so harsh for some of us, and what we can do to quiet it down?

It all comes down to our nervous system working hard to keep us safe. It remembers painful experiences from the past and steers us away from repeating these in the future. So, when I’m thinking of marketing my work - something pretty foreign to me - my nervous system warns me that:

new = unknown = unsafe = wrong

showing up = risk of rejection = unsafe = wrong

Of course, what our primitive nervous system thinks is wrong, is often very different from what we actually believe is wrong. 

This is why, when a friend is hesitant to start something exciting and new, we’re likely to encourage them to go for it, but when it comes to us, we might talk ourselves out of it. 

For some, this discrepancy is not as pronounced and their inner critic will be easy to shrug off. It will call them an idiot when they make a mistake and let them move on. To others, the inner critic will sound like the voice of their conscience - impossible to ignore.

Along with the voice (which may just feel like a thought), you might feel a mix of fear and shame, which will show up in the body as anxiety. Meanwhile, your mind will try to take control by “figuring things out,” which usually boils down to some form of judgment, blame, and shame: “You don’t know what you’re doing. You’re not good enough. You’re never going to get this right so you may as well pack it in.” 

This is what keeps us small and quiet. It’s what causes us to hide and give up on living a full life. It is what stops us from tapping into a more joyful and creative energy that is right there waiting for us. 

The great news is: This is not the voice of our conscience. It is not who we are at our core. It’s our nervous system at work. Even if we’ve done a lot of healing and our inner critic is not as harsh or ubiquitous as it used to be, we can count on it showing up whenever, and as long as, uncertainty or risk of rejection (to name only two) are present. Our nervous system never stops working for us.

If you’ve heard me (and many other sources) talking about the importance of training our brain to slow down enough to NOTICE our experience, this is why. 

It’s because then, when our inner critic shows up, we can take a step back. We can smile and remind ourselves: “This is not me. It’s my nervous system working for me.” We can then take a breath to send a signal to the brain that we’re safe, and let go of outdated notions of what’s Right and what’s Wrong. These don’t serve us, or anyone else.

The more pertinent question then is, “What feels right to me right now?” Your core self knows the answer. It’s an answer that’s never absolute. It can shift moment by moment. But it’s always an answer of reassurance, encouragement, and trust. 

As for me, when my inner critic pipes up these days, I remind myself why I want to share about my joy. It’s because I remember the days when joy was not as freely available to me. I wish someone had told me then, “This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, or that you don’t deserve joy.” 

By showing up more as me now, I hope to ignite that deep knowing within you that says, “You have unique things to give to this world, too, and maybe it’s time to show up more as YOU.”

What does your inner critic tell you? Do you believe them? Is there something exciting you are hesitant to bring (back) to your life? 

Drop me a line to let me know. I’ve really enjoyed hearing back and connecting with some of you. Also, if you know anyone who could benefit from receiving these messages, please forward this email on to them. I want to inspire more people to live a more joyful, creative life. 

Warmly,

Mary B. 

P.S. If you want to work with me, you can get on the waitlist for The Art of Joy here: www.marybrutsaert.com/servicesor simply reply to this email. This is a small group experience. Spots are limited to 8.