Before You Look Ahead

I took a break from newsletter writing. It wasn’t planned, but it was needed, so I took it.

That’s a skill I’ve been practicing: noticing what feels right for right now and giving myself permission to do it. 

In this spirit, I’ll be giving myself more leeway with how often I write these newsletters. 

It’s the season of intention-setting, after all. And honestly, I’m kind of ready to close the book on 2024.

Not that it was a terrible year. It wasn’t. But it wasn’t exactly joyful, either. Despite my daily gratitude practice and the many wonderful things in my life, joy felt like it was playing hide-and-seek with me.

I sometimes wonder if the whole world is playing hide-and-seek right now. Searching for new ways of being, new ways of connecting and thriving.

Maybe this is the occupational hazard of being a therapist, but it feels like we’re in a collective transition. Like the universe is nudging us - sometimes shoving us - to learn how to be more open, authentic, and connected.

And, as humans, we tend to learn best through obstacles and adversity. Just enough to keep us searching and growing.

Here’s a lightbulb moment I had the other day.

For years, my go-to method of intention-setting has been to look ahead, dream BIG, and feel into what I want.

It’s a solid strategy. It gets me places.

But it’s also a bumpy ride.

Here’s how it usually goes: I set a big, shiny intention. I get ahead of myself. Then I get disappointed. I shut down. And then I have to dig my way out again.

It works, but it’s exhausting.

That’s why my lightbulb moment felt so revolutionary: It’s not about what happens when I set the intention. It’s about what I do next.

Which is: get out of the way.

That’s the magic step I kept missing.

Have faith. Trust that something better - whatever “better” means today - is on the horizon.

This way, I - you, we - can allow the hard times, without adding extra pressure by thinking we need to DO something about it. It allows us to be more compassionate with ourselves, to say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is hard.”

With this gentler approach, all we need to do is withstand and keep going. No heroics required. 

Just focus on what’s going on right now. Look at what we have access to right now, and do what we can.

That’s a lot more doable. And it’s enough. 

Dream big? Sure, if you feel called to. (Dreaming small works too.)

Then remind yourself 20 times a day, if needed, to trust that things will unfold.

That’s my recipe for New Year’s resolutions:

1. Dream big (or small).

2. Have faith.

3. Take small, doable steps.

But before we look ahead, let’s take a moment to look back.

This year, I tried something new. Instead of immediately forging into the future, I paused to reflect on what I’ve already done.

With a friendly nudge from my electronic health record system (27,970 therapy minutes as of early December, thank you very much), I wrote down my 2024 accomplishments, WITH numbers.

And it was more than I thought.

Way more.

All from small steps.

What About You?

Do you ever look back and write down what you’ve accomplished over the year?

I hope you’ll try it. Take these last couple of days of 2024 to reflect, not on where you want to be, but on where you’ve come from.

Whatever you find, celebrate it. You made it.

And if you feel like sharing, I’d love to hear from you. Tell me about your process, your accomplishments, or your resolutions for the year ahead. It truly makes my day to connect with you.